You might walk in with genuine insight:

“I’ve noticed I struggle with empathy, entitlement, and how I handle rejection. I think I may have narcissistic traits and I want help working on them.”

And be met with responses like:
• “Everyone has narcissistic traits.”
• “I don’t think that applies to you.”
• “You’re too self-aware to be a narcissist.”
• [changes subject]

It’s invalidating. Confusing. And it can make you question whether your insight is real, whether you’re exaggerating, or whether help is even possible.

But here’s the truth:

You don’t need your therapist to agree with your label in order to work on the issues. You do need your therapist to respect your concerns, take your insight seriously, and engage in the actual work with you.

Many therapists were never properly trained in personality disorders—especially narcissism. What they did learn was often outdated, fear-based, or rooted in black-and-white thinking that labels people as “abusers” or “manipulators.”

Some common therapist blind spots:
• Believing narcissism = abuse
• Assuming it’s untreatable
• Thinking only “grandiose” types exist
• Fearing or avoiding cluster B diagnoses altogether
• Mistaking self-awareness as proof you can’t have narcissistic traits

These misconceptions are their limitation, not yours.

You don’t need a formal diagnosis of NPD to work on traits like:
• Empathy deficits (especially cognitive or affective)
• Entitlement, superiority, or unrealistic expectations
• Emotional dysregulation, sensitivity to shame or criticism
• Grandiosity, devaluation, and black-and-white thinking
• Difficulties with vulnerability or intimacy
• Identity instability or perfectionistic self-image

These are behavioral and emotional patterns. You are absolutely allowed to say:

“These patterns are harming me and my relationships. I want to work on them.”

That is valid. That is therapy-worthy. That is enough.

If a therapist dismisses your insight, try this script:

“I understand not everyone agrees on diagnostic language. I’m not attached to a label. But I’ve noticed patterns in myself that match what’s often described as narcissistic traits. I want to explore those patterns with curiosity and honesty, not shame. Can you support that?”

If they still resist or avoid the topic, you can say:

“I’m not here to argue about labels. I’m here because I want help becoming a more emotionally grounded, relationally healthy person. Can you meet me there?”

If they still resist, it’s not you. It’s a mismatch.

Some therapists push back because they don’t see narcissistic traits. That’s often because you’re masking—something many people with narcissistic adaptations learn to do expertly.

You might come across as charming, hyper-intellectual, articulate, or even overly self-aware. But underneath, you’re struggling with intense shame, emptiness, entitlement, or dysregulation you’ve just learned to package well.

You can say:

“I know I might present as self-aware and high-functioning, but there are patterns in my internal experience that I know are holding me back. I need space to explore that, even if it doesn’t always show up on the surface.”

Wanting to work on narcissistic traits doesn’t make you dangerous. It makes you brave.

You’re confronting patterns that were likely rooted in survival—formed in childhood—and trying to build something new. That’s not manipulative. That’s the definition of growth.

If your therapist can’t see that? Keep looking. The right one will.

If you resonate with the experiences shared here, you are not alone. There are many people working quietly and courageously on their narcissistic traits, without shame, without fanfare, and often without support.

You are allowed to want better. Even if you have to start by doing it on your own.